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February 23, 2004

Children in the Middle: Do's and Don'ts

In divorce or any other legal proceeding concerning child custody, Iowa courts require both parent to attend the "Children in the Middle" program to become aware of how children are affected by custody disputes and divorce. Here are a few "Do's and Don'ts" on how to minimize the impact of divorce on children:

1. Put your children's welfare first. Never use a child as a weapon against your spouse. 2. Be sure your children have ample time with the other parent. They need it. 3. Don't introduce your children to your new romantic interest until the children have adjusted to the divorce, separation from the other parent, and your new relationship is stable. 4. Don't bring your children to court or to meetings with your attorney. 5. Keep to the schedule. Give the other parent and the children as much notice as you can when you will not be able to keep to the schedule. Be considerate. 6. Be flexible. You may both need to adjust the schedule from time to time. 7. Giving of yourself is more important than giving material things to the children. 8. Do not use your spouse as spies to report on the activities of the other parent. 9. Do not use the children to deliver messages or act as couriers to the other parent. 10. Avoid arguments or confrontations while dropping off or picking up the children or whenever children are present. 11. Don't listen in on your children's phone calls with the other parent. 12. Maintain your composure and try to keep a sense of humor. Your children's behavior is affected by your attitude and conduct. 13. Assure your children they are not to blame for the breakup, and are not being rejected or abandoned by either parent. 14. Don't criticize the other parent in front of your children. Your children need to respect both parents.

Posted on February 23, 2004 in Custody, FAQ | Permalink



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